Between Self-Search and Self-Understanding
“Grandpa, tell me… are you actually grown-up?”
The old man laughed softly, shook his head. His gaze drifted away, as if searching for a memory that had slipped beyond his reach.
“That’s a strange question. From the outside, it may look that way. I’ve paid bills, made decisions, disappointed some people and helped others. I often pretended to have the answers. But inside me, I still keep waiting for that moment to arrive. And you know what? It never did.”
The child pushed his hands into his pockets, swinging his feet as if standing on an invisible edge.
“But at school they always say adults know how it works. They can cook, drive cars, and buy houses. They know the rules and don’t make mistakes anymore. I thought that when I grow up, I’ll finally know how life works.”
The old man furrowed his brow, as if the thought cost him a tired smile.
“Many act as if they know. Some really do feel like they’ve arrived, as if they found a key. But even they stumble – they just don’t show it. Growing up isn’t the end of the questions. It’s only different ones that appear: How do you pay rent when there’s no money? How do you stay honest when everyone around you wears a mask? How do you keep walking when you really want to stand still? No one knows for sure.”
The child looked at him for a long time, as if turning the thought around like a stone in his hand.
“Does that mean I’ll always be a child? Even when I’m big and everyone says I’m an adult?”
The old man let his fingers glide over the cane, as if reading its grain.
“No,” he said gently.
“You will grow, take on responsibility, learn things I can’t explain to you yet. But inside, something of the child will remain. Sometimes it hides, sometimes it pushes forward. And maybe that’s the part that keeps you alive.”
The child smiled and nodded, as if something had become clear. The old man returned the smile, weary but warm. And between the years that separated them, for a moment lay a quiet understanding.
“So being grown-up isn’t what I thought. It’s not just being big and staying serious. Does it mean you’re still allowed to be silly sometimes?”
A stillness emerged. The old man raised his head. And though they stood at very different points in life, for an instant it felt as if they were both looking in the same direction.
